Vision

Too Dazed To Think Of A Title

I've been stuffing my face with tons of tiger prawns this whole week. Mum went on tiger prawns spree at the wet market I suppose. So we've had prawns in sambal tumis, prawns in the mi bryani, prawns cooked in black pepper sauce, etc.

Did I tell you that this week seems to have been such a drag? It just feels so much longer than usual. It's killing me. And weekends with not much plans make it all worse. So bored. So lethargic. So crappy.

At least I get to hit the stadium just now. But it just doesn't feel right. The weather wasn't intense enough. I've had to run against strong winds and blazing sun before. But today happens to be the most anti-climax condition I'd ever been through. Doesn't help that I didn't see that many stadium regulars on the tracks today. Just a whole bunch of unfamiliar faces. Doesn't feel normal at all. Blahhh.

Seriously, why have I turned into such an emo-wrecked idiot this whole week??? A lot of things don't feel right at all. Why???

The Long Night Is Over

Last night has gotta be the very first time ever since I started my current job, that I wasn't able to go to sleep before midnight. I was tossing and turning, feeling so disturbed about one thing or another. It sure doesn't help that when I was on my way home yesterday, I saw the light to the toilet of my old secondary school (which is currently being occupied by a primary school for the time being) being lit up, and that I saw "something" from where I was walking, at the covered walkway. I am not sure what it was.

At the same time, I got reminded of the ghoulish tales from Tuesday's hangout session, no thanks to Imma and her boyfriend. All these and some other things (which I'll just keep to myself for now...) kept me so awake last night. And for the first night since forever, I had to turn the radio on to accompany me to sleep. Coz I was feeling so bloody alone and constricted, it was purely suffocating. My wild imaginations only made it all worse. I only managed to fall asleep after sending out a few SMSes. Somehow, at that point in time, I just needed some kind of contact with real people, just to put me at ease.

Despite the few hours of sleep and god knows how hard it is for me to keep myself awake at work today, I actually had one of the most exciting and mindless and very tiring day out with my cousin. Much needed after-work therapy. Uhmm, why do I have this sinking feeling that I'm starting to emulate certain bloggers in my expressions over here? Hah.

So anyways, we had about 16 bucks in our Timezone card to share. Two times on the radical simulator, once on the "bowling alley", once on the car racing, once shooting wild beasts on the screen and once on my all-time favourite air hockey. It was so FUNNNNN! I swear it's been so long since I last spent so much on cheap thrills at the arcade. And for just TWO persons, it's really crazy.

The last time I recalled spending so much at the arcade was when I was really young, and dad was okay with spending so much on us (me and my siblings) just to have a superbly good time. Then as I grew up, it kinda sunk into me, how wasteful it is to spend your money at the arcade. But not anymore. From the small spendings on the Daytona machines, and shooting hoops and whatnot with my friends, I think I'm gonna make going to the arcade a more frequent affair. Lol.

After our arcade session, we set out on a very unusual and mindless shopping experience. Unusual coz my cousin is the one who wanna do all the shopping. Usually she's broke (ha ha ha) but since her birthday was just a few days ago, she'd gotten some cash as presents and so she just wanted to get something something for herself. Another reason why it was unusual is because we actually entered a whole lot of shops and actually paid our visits TWICE to some of them. Plus we circled the whole shopping mall for quite a bit, that even I was starting to feel the strain. Seriously,not our norm hokay.

Ended it all with two medium iced tea and large fries at Mac's. By then I was already feeling so woozy. I don't wanna think about the amount of money I'd spent on such mindless fun. And for the record, I STILL have yet to receive my pay. Screw the school.

Happy 21st Once Again

Uncharacteristic Behaviour

You are so wrapped up in your own neurosis that you don't even notice what is going on around you.

It's obvious that the only person that you really care about is yourself.

It's not true.

Sure it is.

You play all sweet and adorable but the truth is, you are completely selfish.

You are the worse kind of bad person coz you think you are good.

But you are not.

You are not a good person at all.

-Privileged Episode 16

The Daily Update

Had a horrible stomachache only five minutes prior to the start of the class. What dumb luck man. I swear I hate to make use of public toilets when I need to shit. Uhh...crude much ayy. So yeah, I entered class ten minutes after the bell. Thank god I didn't get caught or anything and that the students are not exactly destructive at that point in time. Lessons are really starting to get dryyy. But I find the kids at the west side more manageable. The ones up north...OMG, let's not even start. I dread to think that I'm only gonna be at my second week there come monday. It sure is gonna be a slow and painful ten weeks countdown.

Despite that, I find the bus ride up north to be so much more comforting as compared to the endless and dreary train ride towards the west side. Maybe it's the scenary or lack of them, for that matter. Trains tend to whizz by so fast, you hardly get to see anything, hence the boredom and sleepiness. The bus ride up north on the other hand, allows you to take in an entirely different scenery altogether. I never knew that the route covering TPE and SLE (and maybe BKE?) could be supremely pretty. I guess I'd never been around there that much to know.

Dropped by Tanjong Pagar after school today coz I'd conveniently forgot to pick up the shoes that I used during my two months F&B stint over there. Ordered some food to be brought home. Honestly, I miss the food. I miss making thick ass kebab rolls just coz I feel like it. And I do think that I've this habit of giving huge portions of meat to the customers back then when I was working there. Oopsie. Plus I wholeheartedly miss the spinach pide. It was my ultimate favourite mannn. Haha.

Ughh, enough food talk. I've a serious tv-programme marathon to start. The whole week's worth of episodes. I cannot get through mininova for Ugly Betty and The Secret Life of The American Teenager though. Oh by the way, the later is quite a crappy teenybopper show. But I just kept watching it anyway. Just so hooked for no apparent reason. Lol. So tonight it's just me and you *points to comp screen*. Kekekeke.

Long Night

It's already the third day into February. It felt like yesterday when we welcomed 2009, and now it's already the second month??? How time flies. I'd been feeling a little depressed looking at the plants and trees around my neighbourhood area since the start of the year. If you guys noticed, the grass have turned yellow and the leaves on trees and bushes are practically wilting. It's a sad, sad situation... I figure the wind has been way too strong coupled with the lack of rainy days, that it must have been too much for those poor greeneries to withstand.

The state of those plants kinda reflects my dying enthusiasm to fulfil my new year's resolutions. Damn, not now! But it's true somehow, it's like plateau season now. Maybe I'd not gotten a proper foothold since the start of the year. I figure that I must have been a little too superficial in my quest to achieve whatever I want. So a good guess would be, I'd been doing things just for the sake of doing it and not bothering to keep track of my progress or build up on the level of intensity and whatnot.

One very good example would be, me blindly going for my jogging session every single day and STILL not being able to shed even a kilo. Obviously I am so stuck in my comfort zone, I absolutely refuse to get out of it by doing something a wee bit different from my normal routine.

Ouhh, that reminds me. I need to get a new pair of Brooks coz the one I'm currently using is already slanting to the left for my left foot and vice versa (I think I'd been using the side of my heels only when I move around). It's been hurting my feet, especially the right side whenever I'm out for my run. Thus, I need a new pair really soon coz I'd been feeling so unmotivated to run lately, no thanks to my slanted shoes. I'd missed out on jogging for four straight days dammit.

Another thing that has been making me feel so blue-y is the fact that I'm missing quiet weekday mornings at East Coast Park. I'd never been there since like forever! Ok wait, I was there during the CNY break, but that was a horrible sight to behold. The amount of tents and people were so overwhelming that the place was hardly peaceful.

When was the last time I headed over to Rock Number One man? I stopped going there for one reason or another. The one last trip I made there, I didn't sit on Rock Number One. I couldn't bring myself to, and instead, I sat on one of the benches nearby. Watching intently at my favourite spot, wondering why I'd rather keep my distance. I could only deduce that when some things are too special to you, it is just human nature to think that you are not worthy enough for it, so you end up thinking that it's better to keep the distance so that you can forever treat that place as a sacred one - untainted, for much longer. Or so I think. But shouldn't I be building bridges instead of burning them?

I swear this pretty much applies to my life in general. I lost count, the number of bridges I'd burned. I mean, shouldn't you work towards cultivating a really good connection with something that you are in favour of? That means continuing to get in touch with whatever that are special in your life? Say, if you appreciate someone for having done a great deal of things for you, isn't it only appropriate that you follow that up with much gratitude. That could mean, at least saying 'thank you' personally or show your appreciation by doing something. I'd consider that building a bridge.

Unfortunately, I am not the least bit capable of doing that. I tend to rob people off their good intentions and then I'd just run away without even saying thanks. It makes me feel horriby bad. It gets even worse when I keep pushing the guilt away, knowing fully well that it's gonna catch up with me sooner or later. Karma's a bitch. But how many bitches of karma do I wanna have come my way? I could live in anticipation to see myself get screwed upside down for being so selfish. But I can't stand the thought that the very people with good intentions, are being placed in a limbo. Coz what if they are suddenly gone? Am I gonna hammer myself hard for letting the chance to reconcile while they are still around, be gone just like that? They say you'll never miss the water until it's gone...