Looking Back

Booooyaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Think this is gonna be my very very last entry for 2007. Plainly put 2007 has been quite a ride, with me being at the losing end, mostly. Especially when it comes to the academic department. I do think I've gone from bad-est to worse-test and having to mull over my future and thinking about what I'm gonna do with my life, post A-level, makes it all the more terrifying. That, apart from all the strange pre A-level, during A-level and post A-level nightmares that I kept waking up to. I am a gone case. Wish for the best for all I want, I know what I'm in for. And that ladies and gentlemen, is the one and only way to keep myself sane. Anticipate failure and do not let failure catch you by surprise. Though failure in this context is rather intentional. Very screwed up. Whatever.

Moving on, 2007 had also been difficult for me to deal with coz of my weight increase. Bloody 15kg. I don't know how could I live through the days of this year. When getting off the weighing scale, all bleak and hopeless. Trying as hard as possible to convince myself that I can redeem my lost, knowing that I was able to pull it off before. But high expectations breeds the most unrealistic mind in me. It's a MAJOR RELAPSE. Enough said. I'd hammer myself hard and believe that this is as close to a punishment (or karma or retribution, however spiritual this could get) that I could ever have to face. I got too COMPLACENT and very CRITICAL. Serve me right. And as I try to get myself back on track again, even when my mind was already there, I couldn't work it. My ego's bruised. The point in time I officially flunked NAPFA, I blamed everybodyelse but myself and I went on an endless eating spree (even until today). I am too relentless. NOW, I am trying to clear this mess. I did head over to the stadium a few times. It took me sooo long to finish up five rounds and most of the time I bailed out of the fifth. It's tough and sometimes I wanna give up. But I can't possibly ruin my ego as it is already and totally destroyed. I gotta get back to where I've been all along.

Learning points for 2007, for whenever I plan to ruin something in my life, I must at least, at least have one area as a stronghold. Should I know that I was gonna screw up school stuffz, I should have at least kept my weight in check. But that didn't happen, and I eventually let my emotions got the better of me. To "stressed" trying to get the school stuffz worked out, I stayed away from getting fit. And now, I lost BOTH. Dammit, there's only two measly items on my plate and yet I couldn't deal. Tell my how am I supposed to survive life.

So what makes me? I got inspired to think about this after watching The Nanny Diaries. I cannot figure out yet. I can't even come close to make amends with myself. I reckon 2008 is not gonna be any kinder. But this time, I'll make sure I'm THE ONE who's in control of my life.

HAPPY 2008!