Is This What You Call Abstract Art?

Like the song from Regina Spektor entitled Fidelity? I know I do. Heard it from Veronica Mars way back but it took me so long to find the title and the singer of the tune. Now I am hooked. And I've yet to fulfill my iWant desires. Coz judging by the economic slump, I'm gonna have to TRY to be a wee bit more thrifty now. It's like they are gonna fire people from jobs so easily now. I'm rather worried. Thankfully, I've another...three years or so before I'd have to join the workforce. Hopefully things would start looking up by then. That I won't end up jobless or something? Hah! Why all these talks mannnn. Bleah. I'm just worried that's all. Logically speaking, I should be financially independent by now. But, but, but...all the BUTs in the world are never gonna help me measure up. Here I am, still where I was about eight years back. Still having that deep-seated desire to own a pink beemer. Yeah, eight years. That's how long I've been lusting for a BMW. Lemme try to recall when was the first time I fell in love with the car ayy. Letsee...I was incredibly awkward back then in sec school. Lack of social interactions and as a result, all those non-living objects became my muse. I could go on, but it requires too much details. So lets just cut to the chase, uhhmmm...I think it was second year in sec school. Back then kids generally raved about mercs. I should know. Coz I myself never heard of beemers since I was young. Thus it came as a surprise to me when I got immediately attracted to da stallion seating at the school carpark near the foyer at the old school premise. Of course I didn't know it was a beemer. I guess first impression is really that important. It was good-looking, that was all I could ever describe it as. My knowledge of cars? Darn superficial, more like I knew nothing. But as time went by, the love sorta grows. God, this is starting to sound so cheesy. Lol. I'd go on on how my love for beemers developed and all that but then again it's just too superficial. Rather meaningless. But the point is, I want the car just as bad as I'd wanted to lose 50kg. Speaking of the latter, I'm only two-fifth out of the horrid dark tunnel. Twenty kilos down, thirty more to go. I'm still stuck in my ten kilos relapse. And it's been four years. Had it not been for the relapse, I would only need to work through just the remaining two-fifth of my goal. And I could have been more than happy to tell the world that I'd lost thirty kilos. That lasted only a couple of years or so, before I got sucked into the whole junkfood land all over again. Woe is this ten kilos relapse. For four freaking years dammit. I don't know how I could still manage to let myself remain so positive. Like there were at some points when I just wanna give up. But I kept telling myself that I've worked way too hard to let sucha small letdown make me admit defeat. I don't want to end up like suhaimi yusof. I swear the guy was like the best role model when it comes to having a vast amount of determination in his weight-losing mission. Making it public definitely adds on to the pressure. Alas, woe is STILL the bloody fugging relapse. And if you have no control over it, then that's it. I think the lesson that should be taught first and foremost to anybody who wanna lose weight (especially when you are severely overweight), should be the part on how to handle relapses. Seriously. Losing weight is fairly easy but when it comes to tackling a relapse, I have to say, it's a horrible nightmare. Doing what you used to do is just not enough. You gotta do more. But when you are caught in a trance of complacency, HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF IT??? I should consider myself lucky. At least I didn't get myself in too deep. But four years is just too long. It should not have taken that long. Really, it shouldn't. I read somewhere that if you are trapped in a relapse, you should work on stabalizing your load. That means, based on my conclusion, that you should make sure it stay at one point, never letting it increase. I think I'm finally able to grasp hold of that. Obviously it's not enough. My entry does not seems to flow seamlessly. I am very aware of that. But I figure you'd bother to understand some points that means much. If not...well, whatever. I'll do a better one next time.